JOURNAL

 

 

It has been quite some time since I've had the time to write in the journal.  Since the first of the year, I have been extremely busy with work and taking care of my son.  I decided I needed to make some time to write and update the site a bit.  While doing this, I received a call from a suffering alcoholic.  The timing was perfect.

In the journal entry on Alcoholism, I spoke about a friend that was struggling with this deadly disease.  Since that entry, I have heard from time to time that he was not getting any better.  He had lost his job but within a month had found another.  And he was still drinking.  Back then, he had said that he didn't have a problem and that he didn't need any help.  I think the situation has changed.

I asked him if he wanted me to come over and talk with him and he said yes.  This is a good sign.  I drove across town and went to his apartment.  Upon entering, he seemed fine but the eyes were glassed over.  We sat and he just looked at me and said, "Why can't I quit drinking?"  This is a typical question for an alcoholic and so I tried to explain to him that alcoholism is a mental, physical, and spiritual disease.  The reason he couldn't quit was because of the phenomenon of craving that was going on within.  He just looked at me with those big blue eyes that were so very glassed over and blank.  Just a blank stare.  Remembering my own struggles with this kind of talk, I decided that I would just answer his questions and if any of it registered, that would be great.  If not, I knew the reason why.  He told me several times that he wanted to quit, that he wanted help.  I mentioned detox and residential treatment centers.  He also said he just couldn't figure out how I quit.  I tried to let him know that it wouldn't be easy but that if I could do it, he could do it.  I offered to call a few guy friends of mine and see if there was a local detox that he could get into.  He agreed. 

At that time, his mother came into the apartment.  All of his mannerisms changed.  He got nervous and started to pace the floor.  His mother tried to pacify the situation and it clearly wasn't working.  I stayed on the phone and got the information that I was asking for and then relayed it to both of them. 

Needless to say, I left after that.  There was nothing more that I could do for either of them at that point.  I left feeling like I hadn't done anything at all.  I know in my heart that I did everything I could just by getting in the truck and going over there but it just didn't seem like enough. 

When dealing with the alcoholic/addict that reaches out for help, the timing is critical.  It is when they are the most vulnerable that you can get through to them.  He was vulnerable.  My experience tells me that only until you have a very strong desire to get help, will you get help.  For me, I had to want to change more than I wanted to pick up that next drink.  My whole body ached for that drink but I had to get to a place where I was safe.  Where there were others like me.  Where there was no alcohol to be had.  And in some situations, I had to have medical supervision in order to go through detox. 

My friend, much like myself, has been drinking full time for many years now.  His body is saturated in alcohol and it would be dangerous for him to abstain without medical supervision.  I urged him to call his insurance company first thing in the morning and see if they covered residential treatment centers.  If so, then he can move forward and the help will be available to him.  If not, I have a friend that runs recovery houses and possibly I can get him into one.  No insurance is required.  Just a desire to get clean and sober.

For what it's worth, I'm happy that I got the call tonight.  I'm happy that I was able to go to his place and at least have a few minutes of conversation with him.  I'm happy that he admitted that he's got a problem.  These are the first steps of many that an addict/alcoholic has to take in order to get clean and sober.  The steps are long, hard and steep but they are worth taking.  I ought to know.  I've taken them and a remarkable thing happened........me.

© 2004 Traci