JOURNAL

 

 

Sometimes I sit and reflect back on my life.  Actually I do it quite often.  Because I choose to reach out and help other struggling addicts/alcoholics and families of children with FAS, I really have to look back at my past.  I draw on past experiences to better help people.  It is one of the ways I know to help myself stay clean and sober.

I will speak quite frank here.  I haven't attended an AA meeting in quite some time.  Nor have I been to NA or CA.  The first 4 years of my sobriety were spent literally living in these meetings.  I remember my mom asking me to attend family functions and I refused.  I wasn't ready.  I also remember her telling me, back then, that she thought that was selfish of me.  It was.  But, in order for me to retain all that I had achieved through sobriety, I had to be selfish. 

During those first 4 years, I did alot of service work in the programs.  I was the secretary of meetings, then ran for a particular Group office.  I also started CA at the Salvation Army.  I then went with other recovering people up to Folsom Prison and did meetings there.  I was so wrapped up in the program that I had a hard time seeing other things and other people.

It was after that 4 year period that I started to get back into society.  I went and got a job driving cars for a small dealership.  The other drivers that had been hired were all people like myself.  It felt good to try and be a productive member of society after my 20 year stint with booze and drugs.  I often wondered if I could make it.  I still attended many meetings and stayed actively involved with service work.  I didn't go to the Prison anymore but I went to the downtown jail. 

As time passed, I became more and more independent.  My son was getting older and I had to spend more time at home but I also had to work.  I had lived on welfare and food stamps for 4 years and now I was making my own way.  I was also making way for my son.

I ended up working full time, as I still do, but started getting involved with online support groups.  They became my *meetings*.  I learned from these people, that were like me, and I also shared a great deal of myself with them.  I also learned many things about my son.  You see, most of them had kids of their own that were like my son.  It was a great way to communicate with others and still be actively involved in service.

I have been living this way for several years now.  As my son needs a routine to be able to function, I too have learned to live in a routine.  I work daily and through this site, I have started to work with others that are reaching out for help.  It is good.

A few years back, a woman asked to interview me for her upcoming book.  Her book was released this past March in Canada.  A year ago, I was asked to sit on a board with a FAS Group.  I am an advisory member.  And today, in one of my other groups, I was honored for my service there. 

Service to others is a critical part of my survival.  It is second nature to me and I love it.  For 20 years, I was so absorbed in myself and my addictions that I couldn't see anyone or anything else.   Service  started with me first.  After learning how to like and respect myself, I could then give of myself to others.  It has been and will continue to be a very rewarding journey.

So today, I say thank you to the people that have taken the time to acknowledge me.  I cannot name all of you but I'm sure you know who you are.  Some of you gave me a chance when others wouldn't and some of you allowed me to be myself, without judgment. 

These are only a few of the things I have done for service to others.  Without the support of the groups, meetings, and people like yourself, I wouldn't be able to do it.  It is only because of  you and through you that I can be of service.

With much gratitude, I thank you.

 

 
© 2004 Traci